I don't know if it's because I've had an extremely bad week, but this made me laugh so hard I started crying.

Looking for a more out of the box way to excersize. Be the coolest guy on your street cutting the lawn with this bad boy. you can save gas and get those rock hard abs you always wanted. This bike will cut your grass to emaculate conditions. It comes stock with this excentric two tone seat. The rust on the mower gives it an antique look that will have the cat lady next door going wild for your loins. For Ten extra dollars i can throw in a basket and headlight. Is your kid bouncing off the walls, ile even throw in some training wheels so you can put that bastard to work. This model is a three speed so you can really tear it up. Do your neighbor kids have an annoying bike ramp in the streets all the time. well snag that sucker and set it up infront of your trees, this bad mother will easily catch 6-7 feet of air allowing you to trim those troubling branches, as well as demolishing the ramp into oblivion so those damn kids wont be gathering infront of your house to practice for the x games. Comes with your choice of 12/40 oz beer holder that doubles as an ash tray.

"…this bad mother will easily catch 6-7 feet of air allowing you to trim those troubling branches…"

Another gem from the Best of Craigslist:

[apologies for the all caps]

I HAVE A 1995 MO' VAN THAT GOT TRANSFORMED INTO THIS CATBUS. I BROUGHT IT TO A SHOPS AND I WAS LIKE HEY, CAN YOU TURN THIS INTO A CATBUS? SO THEY DID. THEN THAT DAY I DROVE IT HOME. THE CAT BUS ONLY HAS 50K, WHICH ARE ALL HIGHWAY MILES AS I DROVE IT TO WORK 2 DAYS A WEEK AND THAT WAS IT. IT'S IN REALLY GOOD SHAPE AND ALL THE FUR IS STILL ALL THERE. THE STEERING WHEEL HAS A CAT ON IT. IM ONLY ASKING 2900 FOR THE CATBUS BECAUSE ITS REALLY FURRY AND SOMETIMES PEOPLE GET SICK ON IT.

I almost fell out of my chair laughing at this one.

What I really want to know is… what is a "Mo' van"?

This is going to be a long one… bear with me here.

I have got to fix this late issue I have. Every time I have to be in Loudoun County, I always end up having to "one more thing," and end up leaving 20 minutes later than I intended to. So, as a result, I got to Franklin Park in Purcellville/Round Hill at around 7:14, and our team photo was scheduled for 7:15. Crap. Ah well, not a huge deal as I was the only one who wasn't wearing a team jersey. (D'OH! I forgot to pick mine up before leaving work on Friday.)

Anyway, I also managed to miss the "grand start" of the ride as I had to run back to the car to get my cell phone and cue sheet. I finally hit the road around 8:15 since I my sweet old time trying to pin my number on my jersey. (I finally just took off my jersey to pin it on… hopefully no one was blinded by the sheer whiteness of my torso.)

Best of all, when I put on my helmet, I realized that I completely forgot to replace the liner that I had taken out to wash the night before. Ouch. So the first 8 miles of the ride were spent with scratchy velcro digging into my forehead. (I remedied the situation at the first rest stop by folding some tissue over it.)

The suckier part about starting late is that you end up stuck behind the slower riders. (On the flip side, if you start right in front, you end up getting smoked by the spoke jocks and other overachievers.)

As I rode along, it occurred to me that many people cannot ride their bikes safely, and it really pisses me off. They ride double/triple, swerve all over the road, don't signal, don't say "passing" or "on your left," and (my favorite of all), don't look behind them before trying to pass another biker. You wouldn't change lanes on a highway without checking your mirror and blind spot, would you? It's pretty damn stupid to do something like that when there could be another car or mute biker (e.g., silent passer) right behind you. It's these sort of riders who give bicyclists a bad name to irate drivers… e.g., it gives anti-biker drivers ammo to not respect the riders who do follow the rules. As my dear dad says, "If you want respect, you have to give respect."

Okay, rant over. The route was absolutely beautiful, the weather was perfect, and overall it was just wonderful.

Then, disaster struck.

I was chatting with some of the Babes on Bikes ladies and made the ever-so-stupid remark that my bike was "working really well" (aka, chain was not falling off). Five minutes later, as we're going uphill, I go to shift down to my inner ring on the front, and hear "Clunk!" I say, "Oh man, my chain fell off!"

Then one of the BoB gals looks back and says, "Whoa, your chain broke!"

Oh SNAP!

Literally.

[A quick background for the non-biking crowd. Normally a chain is put on a bike by taking out a pin with a special tool and then reinserting it. I had replaced the chain with a Wippermann chain, which has a special link that eliminates the need for removing a pin every time you want to take off your chain. It's pretty handy, except when said link decides to jump ship as you're riding the bike!]

I jump off and trot back down the hill looking for the link. No luck, as something that's small, grey, and black is virtually impossible to find in gravel/asphalt.

At this point, I'm thinking, "Well crap. I'm totally screwed unless I can come up with an extra Connex link." Then I reflect back on a conversation I had with my dad a few months ago:

Me: "Dad, I replaced the rear cassette and put on a Wippermann chain as you recommended. That Connex link is really neat! Although I should probably buy an extra one in the unlikely event that my chain comes apart while I'm on the road."

Famous. Last. Words.

Fortunately, someone came up and had a chain removal tool, and we remedied the situation by removing a link to connect the two ends together. Chain fixed, I continued on my merry way.

[Side note: I'm a little ticked off at Spokes Etc., as they were the last people to handle the chain. When I brought it in on Wednesday to have two of the chainrings replaced, they shortened the chain to accommodate the new, smaller inner ring. Ergo, they put it on wrong or I had a defective chain. More likely the former.]

I caught up with the rest of the Booz Allen team at lunch in The Plains. Corner Bakery catered the lunch, and it was gooooood. We also had a nice bluegrass-type band playing for us while we sat and ate. We were told that the rest of the ride was much more difficult than the first half, with more hills. I'm thinking, "Oh great, and up until now I thought it was pretty easy!" I kept my mouth shut with that comment as there were many many riders on the ride who ended up walking up basically every hill. Including the dude who was clearly a triathlete, or at least a wannabe triathete.

Turns out it wasn't as bad as I thought. The only bad climbs were off downhill runs, as some riders would slow down so much that I'd have to brake and kill all my momentum since I couldn't pass due to the line of cars behind us. Better safe than end up as a hood ornament.

I stopped by two friends' farms as they were both on the route. Jan wasn't home, but I stayed at Melanie's for about half an hour while we caught up. It was a nice break/rest as the next section was basically down, down, then up. And up again.

The last 9 miles were also nice as they consisted of only the W&OD with a stiff tailwind. I rolled into the fairgrounds around 4, checked my cyclometer, and was pleased to see I had finished the 67 miles in under 5 hours. And I felt really, really good – not tired at all, as if I could do another 20 miles.

Overall, a very good day.

Updated route:

I had 66.something miles on my cyclometer, which may stem from the fact I put about an extra mile or so going up and down Mel's long driveway.

- Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

- Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

- Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony and our greedy consumer economy.

- The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

- A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

- The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

- If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

- A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

- Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

- Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

- Alcohol and addictive pharmaceuticals are good because big corporations make money, while marijuana is relegated to the black market since it is a free gift from God where excess profits are not possible.

- A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

- Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

- The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

- Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

- Supporting "Executive Privilege" for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity).

- What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

- Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up vocabulary).

Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save the Queen."

July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

All American cars are herby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) - roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with ketchup but with vinegar.

The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

You will cease playing American football. There is only one king of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.